Killing Time...

What started as an innocent enough ‘Do you believe in God’ discussion, ended in me seriously questioning my own beliefs/lack of beliefs. My life’s pattern in these 27 and a half years has been that, I have been slowly defrosting any set beliefs or ideas that I may have developed over the years. This results in my opinions being completely fluid and I end up arguing both sides of any case on different days depending upon my mood and who is at the other end of the discussion and how much this person is pissing me off. More often than not, I end up confusing myself as much as I confuse others. Who am I? What do I believe in? I am sure by now I should have formed enough patterns to have set beliefs and well formed opinions about things. Yet I spend more time floating away (and yes, getting carried away!) with an idea rather than reaching a particular destination. It is like I’m still in the process of gathering enough information and weighing the pros and cons before I reach a conclusion. However knowing myself I doubt if with all of life’s experiences, I will ever reach a conclusion about anything. Someone once told me that life is a rehearsal for a play that will never be staged. That my dear friends, is the story of my life so far!! All this reading, all these confusions, all this talking, all the confessing is of no consequence. But I enjoy it nevertheless, it is what I live for and it is what I look forward to. Just toying with an idea without having to face the ordeal of whether to accept or reject the idea. Like trying out a million clothes without buying even one! The pleasure of not having to choose one and the illusion of having them all! So what’s your point, you say? I don’t know but let’s talk about it, I say!!